Just don't use the word "alarm"

A colleague called in late this morning, confessing to having forgotten to set his alarm clock last night. Too amused to let him get away with it, I composed a list of

10 Better Excuses for Why You are Late

- The A/C broke down and I had to take three Benadryl pills to pass out in the heat.
- I was rowing down the klong to work when I got swamped by a speeding fishtail boat's wake.
- The BTS was held up by a royal motorcade.
- The taxi took me to the wrong place way out of town.
- Unexpected visitors knocked on the door at 3am.
- The motorcycle taxi tried to overcharge me and I had to hide until tempers settled down.
- The water pipe burst and no one would come until 10am.
- My last fish died and I had to bury it.
- The maid accidentally threw out the fish and I had to dig it out of the trash.
- My soi flooded and no one could get in or out.

Sadly, each of these can and have happened to many of us. As for the fish, it's an inside joke- he bought a whole school of fish in a baggie in the market and most died within a couple of weeks. He's down to his last original one right now.

dos and don'ts of dating and relationship with Thai girl, part II

DOS:

1. Do realise that if she calls you she likes you.
2. Do invite her for dinner and a movie on your first date.
3. Do buy her small inexpensive gifts from time to time, she'll know that you are thinking about her.
4. Do be clean and dress neatly (Thai ppl take shower twice a da) she wants you to smell and look nice.
5. Do ask her about her mom and dad and her family she wants you to care about them too.
6. Do ask to carry her bag for her, she likes a gentleman.
7. Do speak well about the Thais and her country, she's proud of her country.
8. Do invite her to make merit at the temple, she'll certainly love that (If she is strict Buddhism)
9. Do try and not smoke or drink too much, she will think that you are a drug addict or alchoholic.
10. Do realise that Thai girls are very close to their family.....
11. Do realise that to get into a serious relationship with a Thai means getting into a serious relationship with the whole of her family, she wants them to love you too.
12. Do realise that date with you is a serious thing for her.
13. Do realise when you become her boyfriend she will be thinking about getting married one day, and...
14. Do realise that if she sleeps with you, she will certainly be thinking about getting married one day.
15. Do realise that if she takes you to meet her parents, she knows that's the first step to getting married in Thailand.
16. Do realise that she enjoys doing your washing/cleaning etc..., she wants you to know she would make a good wife.
17. Do realise that if she asks and cares about your health, she likes you.
18. Do realise that most Thai girls would prefer a guy that seriously loved her to an unfaithful guy with loads of cash, she wants you to understand that.

All typos came with the article. No, they are not my typos. Yes, I quadruple-checked.

Thai politics

A recent chat with a friend who visits Bangkok often:

Friend: How's it going in Bangkok, with all the protests.
Me: Quieted down. The day I got back, they lifted the state of emergency.
Friend: They really know how to screw themselves.
Me: It's almost like they are inclined to do it.
Friend: Take over the government building...
Me: loose some money.
Friend: Take over the airport during peak season...
Me: loose lots of money.
Friend: Take over the ASEAN summit...
Me: loose lots of money.
Friend: Take over Songkran...
Me: loose lots of money.
Friend: lol

...

On a similar vein, there was a mob in Patpong- a huge red light, shopping, and nightlife area- a couple days ago of vendors attacking police officers who had come through in a piracy raid to confiscate pirated goods.

As the economy continues to spiral downward, we may be seeing more of this type of aggression. I'm already seeing the vendors less inclined to bring down prices because the sale may be their only sale.

Busy sign on my shop door

Dear Reader,

I feel I ought to excuse myself for my sporadic posting. I certainly am not lacking in topics to cover. But I'm finding it frivolous to talk about small things when we are in the midst of a contentious political crossroads.

The PAD occupation of the airports have been occupying my job and my state of mind a lot lately. There is something disconcerting about being trapped in the city of a foreign country, even if one does reside there. Ultimately, this is not my country and I can't help feeling a little trapped.

As a result, I have temporarily lost my sense of mild humour in observing cultural differences. The massive cultural differences are being highlighted in the current events, but with my current state of mind, a lot of it simply is not funny anymore.

I could blog constantly about the protests and what little news is associated with it. But I know many of you tune out on repetitious topics. More so if you can sense a constant irritable attitude.

So, please bear with me while I collect my thoughts, find my zen. I'll be back in full swing as soon as I find my better self.

Drugstore supplies

Boys, skip this post.

I found out really quickly that tampons are not of the norm in Thailand. Unless you go to a supermarket catering to a high number of foreigners and will carry a small stack of boxes of tampon, you'd be hard-pressed to find them around here.

Saturday Night

In some ways, Bangkok isn't that different from the US. Tonight, on a midnight walk home from night hang-out area that deserves a separate post of its own, I quickly noticed the significant presence of policemen on the sidewalks, monitoring the streets.

It's a Saturday night, near closing time, after the public transportation has closed. It's the first weekend after the end of the month, the time when the Thai workforce is paid their respective monthly wages.

It's a weekend when, on Friday, I would walk pass a man sprawled out on the end of a skywalk under the monorail, not moving, with a dog and two building guards looking on. Drunk, dead? I don't know; I'm not dumb enough to go up to him and check. But given the timing, I'd say drunk.

It's a weekend when the movie theatre would be unusually jam packed to the point that people getting off the escalator have nowhere to step and are backing up to the point that it's a safety disaster about to happen.

It's a weekend when, on Saturday, the police are monitoring the major intersections. And setting up the somewhat discreet checkpoints on my normally empty neighborhood street. They have plainclothes officers wearing badges clipped onto a neck chain as the NYPD Blue detectives did!

It's a weekend when I'm sure the coming Monday is going to be quite unproductive.

My biggest change in lifestyle

Because this conversation really is too funny to not share. Thanks, disabigailed.

me: I just hired a maid
diabigailed: you have a maid? why?
me: because it's part of the Bangkok experience
diabigailed: i hear a cheap sex change is part of the bangkok experience
diabigailed: please dont' get that

Rest assured, I believe there are limits to "When in Rome, do as the Romans do..."