Update: Language learning

News Update: Folks, I am safe. Those of you with mutual friends, we are all safe. It is indeed getting tense and scary at times and the action feels like it is often too close for comfort but we are all safe and sound and very alert of what's going on around us. (2300 hrs, 22 April 2010 local time)

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I am happy to report I made great progress in my Thai. In addition to having mastered "Taxi Thai" I now can say:
- Red Shirts,
- pink,
- black,
- yellow,
- protest,
- Suvarnabhumi airport,
- Ratchaparasong intersection,
- closed
 
flawlessly, to the point of almost perfecting the tonal nuances enough for people to think I'm Thai.

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In all seriousnes, I do not make light of the events going on in Bangkok. There's little I can say that you won't already read in the news. Like many Bangkok residents, I, we, are attempting to maintain some semblance of routine life, only in areas away from the protest and conflict activities. It's easy to get sucked into the sense of frustration but I find maintaining a sense of humor, a healthy Thai dosage of mai pen rai, and resisting the urge to judge is crucial to remain calm and objective as a non-participant. As I am no professional reporter or international affairs analyst, there's little I can contribute on this blog about the events surrounding me. I offer instead to continue catching up sharing observations, experiences from my time in this region.

It's *point* and *grunt* there

I did it! For once, when approached by a Thai for directions, not only did I understand his request, I literally pointed him the right direction. After all the Thais mistakening me as one of them, I finally am able to actually contribute.

I can't say I used much Thai. I just pointed. Then tapped him on his shoulder and directed him. It was on the Skytrain. No knowing how to explain that he needed to also get off in one station and switch trains, I had to really direct him. It's just as well he was trying to go the same direction I did. At the exchange, I had him follow me and finally told him in my limited Thai "four stations."

Maybe it's because I had the American iPod earbuds on, or the fact that I was reading the Time magazine in my commute, or the fact that I was carrying a Whole Foods shopping bag (thanks, harraton!), or even the fact that I was completely unable to talk back beyond pointing and nodding, he finally recognized he had asked a farang for directions and asked in excellent English "Where are you from?" and acknowledged my help with a very gracious "Thank you very much."

Yay!

Pardon, I need to...

Learning foreign languages amuse me.. because, inevitably, I'm bound to run into a misunderstanding that it's too funny to not make.

This post: "Excuse me."

In Thai: kor tot ka/kap.

Except, if you don't pronounce "tot" right, it might come out as "todt" which means fart. I can't even hear the difference.

And I'm dying to see someone yell that while squeezing through a crowd.

Oi, mama mia

Someone tried to talk to me, presumably asking for directions. I replied with

"Dichan mai dis pasat thai."

Well, I guess I could say that I did say "I don't speak Thai." Except "dis" is speak in French. One one hand, I could be glad I still remember my French vocabulary and conjugations to blurt it out without thinking, but, seriously.

Crap. No, crab, I meant craB!

Another example why having bad hearing is not conducive to learning a foreign language:

Instructor: Bpõo
Me: (writing and muttering) bpõo
Me: (quizzical look)
Instructor: Crab
Me: (Incredulous) Crap?
Instructor: Chai. Crab.
Me (thinking: he just said crap!)
Instructor: bpõosidam
Me (really hung up on the fact that he said "crap"): bpõo. I'm going to remember this one!
Instructor: You like crab?
Me: Huh?

A..B..C..D..E...er, how many??

I took my Thai instructor by surprise when I plopped myself down in the classroom and started by saying I want to start learning how to read Thai. His surprise should have been clue number 1.

His reply: sure, why not? But, then he spent ten minutes shuffling around between the classroom and the office getting classroom materials together. Clue number 2.

Clue number 3. "Are you sure?"

Clue number 4. "Thai language. We have... (pause)" (takes out piece of paper and writes the number "44" down) ".. 44 letters. English, you have 26."

Clue number 5. "We also have 12 vowels."

Clue number 6. "We have long and short vowels."

Clue number 7. "Letters are middle, low, and high."

Clue number 8. "Some letters we don't use anymore. But it's still in the alphabet."

Clue number 9. "You need to start using a pencil instead of pen."

Clue number 10. "We don't have a specific order you have to memorize the alphabet."

Clue number 11. At the reception desk. "You should stick with just one instructor for this."

Clue number 12. "Make sure you do your homework."

I'm not quite sure what I got myself into. Oddly, I gleefully look forward to Thai classes more than ever now.

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postscript. There *is* an order to the alphabet. And the instructor's calculation of 44 did not include the vowels. The 44 are just consonants.

Words can't describe...

... Thais performing YMCA. So I'll let you see for yourself. Apologies for the unusually shaky filming. I was laughing so hard I'm surprised the camera picked up any music at all.

What to dos and don't, Part I

dating and relationship with Thai girl

from the "about: bangkok" 'the ultimately free commuter guide' v 23 Feb 09. I couldn't find an online site for this publication otherwise I would have posted a link instead of fat-fingering this out. This list is aimed at farang men who want to date a "proper Thai girl." Funny preface that author uses for that proper Thai girl is an introduction of "I am a pure Thai girl who is born in Bangkok and was raised like old proper Thai lady (you can imagine of Audrey Hepburn in Sound of Music)." Oh, all typos in the list, are not my typos.

DON'TS:
1. Don't arrive at you meeting place after her on the first date.
2. Don't invite her to a bar on your first date and certainly....
3. Don't ask her to bed after your first date.
4. Don't misunderstand if she takes her friend along on your first couple dates, she's still a little afraid of you.
5. Don't sweet-talk too much with "Oooh, you are the only one I love.."etc, or she'll think you're a playboy.
6. Don't visit her parents' home if you don't want to take the relationship too seriously, she doesn't want to lose face if you leave her.
7. Don't buy her chocolates or sweets she doesn't want to be overweight for you!!.
8. Don't invite her for a romantic walk along the beach or park she doesn't want to be too darkened for you too!!
9. Don't go complaining about all things Thai, or she won't understand why you chose to live here.
10. Don't dress like you stay along Khao Sam Road, she wants to feel proud of you.
(context: Khao Sam is also known as 'backpackers' road' so the dress code would be very very casual)
11. Don't tell her about any naughty past adventures in Pattaya, or she'll worry that you will be getting up to some more naughty tricks again soon.
12. Don't tell dirty jokesand swear out loud, she likes a polite man.
13. Don't shout at the waitress when she gets your order wrong, she doesn't want you to get all serious!!
14. Don't boast that you have this and that, she's heard it all before.

Thai politics

A recent chat with a friend who visits Bangkok often:

Friend: How's it going in Bangkok, with all the protests.
Me: Quieted down. The day I got back, they lifted the state of emergency.
Friend: They really know how to screw themselves.
Me: It's almost like they are inclined to do it.
Friend: Take over the government building...
Me: loose some money.
Friend: Take over the airport during peak season...
Me: loose lots of money.
Friend: Take over the ASEAN summit...
Me: loose lots of money.
Friend: Take over Songkran...
Me: loose lots of money.
Friend: lol

...

On a similar vein, there was a mob in Patpong- a huge red light, shopping, and nightlife area- a couple days ago of vendors attacking police officers who had come through in a piracy raid to confiscate pirated goods.

As the economy continues to spiral downward, we may be seeing more of this type of aggression. I'm already seeing the vendors less inclined to bring down prices because the sale may be their only sale.

Thai holiday: Visaka Bucha Day

Also known as Buddha Day.

This week has been scattered with holidays. Thai Labour Day was last Friday, though we did not have it off. Our local staff were a bit surly, having to work, but given that they have both American as well as most Thai holidays, it is hard to sympathise. Tuesday this week was Coronation Day, during which the country's ailing king did make an appearance. Today, Buddha. Perhaps an equivalent of your Easter.

Many Buddhists visit the wats today, making their prayers, and the monks doing their rites in honour of Buddha.

As one whose family practised a mix of Taoist, Buddhist, and Confuscian religions, the Buddhism in Thailand wasn't as exotic as it probably would be to others. However, the Buddhism I'm more familiar with is a different school of Buddhism- Mahayana - one that in my perhaps prejudiced mind is less elaborate and traditional and more adaptive. Theravada Buddhism, on the other hand, is core to the Thai region and laden with very old ways of thinking.

Although even the Buddha statues are different, I can recognise and relate to a lot of structures, layouts, practices.. but I have yet, for the life of me, figure out why such an ugly pressence has to be labeled "Mom."

Haggling

As it goes in a majority of Asia, you need to haggle for your prices.And I've learned there are different styles depending on where you are.

I grew up in a Taiwanese household. Haggling is a loud, competitive, sometimes even insulting sport. The players treat it almost as a competition, to see who can hold out longer. And whose bluffs to really call.

I learned really quickly it doesn't work in Thailand. Not when tourism is a major economy and not then the Thais maintain a culture of smiles. Instead, I recently finally discovered that silence is the biggest tool. Mixed with a little of Thai language attempts, the effect is far more, well, effective.

Me: *pointing* Thaw-rai? (how much?)
Merchant: An-ni... 150baht.
Me: *pretending to think* How about 60 baht?
Merchant: Mai dai. (can't do) 100 baht.
Me: *pretending to think*
Me: *pretending to consider*
Me: *pretending to calculate*
Me: *getting a bit ansty and trying not to show it*
Me: *resisting the urge to shift weight*
Me: *really contemplating either walking away or paying 100 baht*
Me: *just about to decide to-*
Merchant: *pats my forearm and lower her voice* OK. 50 baht.
Me: *whipping out the wallet with alacrity*

Khaa, continued

On Saturday's language lesson, the instructor was explaining to me that "Kha" at the end of the sentence primarily is to make the speaking polite.

So, in theory, I can politely say something like:

You f-ing s-hole, khaaa. (insert wide Thai smile here)

I think. I'll have to ask in my next class. Because I'll bet my next 40Baht meal that that's what a lot of Thais are saying to our farang backs. And perhaps wheedle K. Ake to start teaching me cuss words. That is when you know you're truly learning a language.

Wash me

I got home this morning and immediately went to run errands. My car in the garage has built up so much dust it is actually brown instead of green in colour. Someone ran his or her finger across the trunk, scrawling Thai. I assumed it was a "Wash me" but the reactions of people around me didn't quite seem to line up.

I finally pulled into the front of my building and beckoned of the girls at the desk to come translate. After a smothered giggle, she read "The car washer has moved abroad."

That would explain why the guards in my work and home compounds were producing belly laughs, but the drivers of passing cars scratching their heads.

Ka, ka, ka, kap, ka, kaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

I've started tallying up the use/interpretation/meaning of "ka" or "kap"(used by men, the former by women). It's an one-word sentence that is the most prevalently heard expression.

So far, I've come up with:
- Hi.
- Hello.
- Bye.
- Sure.
- OK.
- Yes.
- I hear ya.
- I get it.
- I understand.
- I can do it.
- If you want.
- Fine.
- You're good to go.
- Sir/Madam (as in greeting)
- (grunt- as in acknowledgment)
- Alright. (as in, alright, alright, jeez!)
- Here.
- There.
- Whatever you say.
- Hey.
- I hear you.
- Yes, exactly.

Imagine.. not having all those options, and cutting down to a syllable. Kaaaa.

farangs, take two

I got scolded. I got scolded when I asked if there were any derogatory connotations in the word farang, like there is in a similar Taiwanese word.

Thais are positive, K. Ake, said. Kind, positive people. Not condescending people. Clearly he hasn't been exposed to many of my ancestry.

Clarifications:
farangs refer to white people, usually the stereotype of blond hair, blue eyes.
Africans are called kong dam, literal translation, black people.
Asians are kong asia, no further explanation needed.

Basically, most of the terminology refers to skin colour, as it was the way to classify people way back in the day. Because people have migrated around and a lot of western societies have become more multicultural, farang now has expanded to include anyone who is English-speaking.

Likewise, K. Ake acknowledged you won't hear many of the more educated Thais say kong dam because they know it can be taken poorly and perceived as offensive.

farangs

You've notice by now my frequent use of the word "farang." Which generally means foreigner. Or so I thought.

In class today, I was given the vocabulary word dtàang-châat which means foreigner.

So I asked if it was synonymous with farang. Mai chai. Farang refers to Westerners. Europeans, Americans. Dtàang-châat refers to foreigners in general.

I didn't clarify whether farangs were non-Asians, to include Africans and Latinos. I want to say it does, but I've already been proven wrong in my assumption.

It reminds me of the Taiwanese word huan-ah, meaning alien. More often than not, it is also used in a deragatory sense, a usage that has coloured my impression of the word farang. I recall a recent conversation with my mother on this topic when she referred to Thais as huan-ah.
Me: Thai people are considered huan-ah?
Mum: Yes.
Me: What about Japanese?
Mum: No.
Me: Why? There are more ethnic Chinese Thais!
Mum: It's just how it is.
Me: What about Koreans?
Mum: No.
Me: Phillipinos?
Mum: No.
Me: Malaysians?
Mum: Yes.
Me: Vietnamese?
Mum: No.
Me: Taiwanese?
Mum: Of course not.
Me: We have more Portuguese and Dutch blood!
Mum: It doesn't matter.
Me: I give up.

English cognates, sorta

A scene from my language class last weekend:

Me: How do you say 'night bazaar' in Thai?
Instructor: Ni(ght) bah-zaahr
Me: Chai. Night bazaar. What's the Thai word for it?
Instructor: Ni(ght) baah-zaaah-(r)
Me: Night bazaar. A night market. The one on Suan Luam.
Instructor: Ni(ght) baah-zaah-(r)
Me: No.
Instructor: Ni(ght) baah-zaah-(r)
Me: Seriously?
Instructor: Ni(ght) baah-zaah-(r)
Me: You've got to be kidding me. *sigh* (parroting) ni(ght) baah-zaah-(r)
Instructor: Chai!! Very good.

Bangkok's real name

It took many weeks of Thai lessons and head-scratching before I figured out that Bangkok isn't "Bangkok" to Thais.

The fact that I was surprised really shouldn't have been.

So, when you book your plane tickets to visit me, ask the agent for this destination:

Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Yuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit (กรุงเทพ มหานคร อมรรัตนโกสินทร์ มหินทรายุธยามหาดิลกภพ นพรัตน์ราชธานี บุรีรมย์อุดมราชนิเวศน์มหาสถาน อมรพิมานอวตารสถิต สักกะทัตติยะวิษณุกรรมประสิทธิ์)

Oh yea. I wouldn't be surprised if even some Thais have problems with it. After all, they abbreviate it to plain "Krung Thep"

Translation: The city of angels, the great city, the eternal jewel city, the impregnable city of God Indra, the grand capital of the world endowed with nine precious gems, the happy city, abounding in an enormous Royal Palace that resembles the heavenly abode where reigns the reincarnated god, a city given by Indra and built by Vishnukam."

LA, eat your heart out. We have seniority as the "City of Angels"

Olympics: Boxing finals

Everywhere I went to tonight... all the Thais are completely riveted by their country's last opportunity for gold medals: boxing.

It's such a Norman Rockwell scene... gangs of Thais huddled behind the small televisions, completely oblivious to their own job, even sales opportunities.

8 of my 21 tv channels has the Olympic boxing on. That's more channels providing Olympic coverage than the Opening Ceremony or any of the Games in the past 23 days combined.

BTS

I take the BTS, or skytrain, to and from work daily. In fact, for most expats living in the city, it's our primary mode of transportation getting around.

The train runs pretty frequently. For my first few weeks here, I never had to wait more than three minutes. But as I start going out and about in more different times of the day, I have waited double that. Still quite nice compared to my worst wait in DC's metro- 27 minutes.

There's an odd system about how they run it. Each platform is "guarded" by a security officer whose uniform looks almost military-like, and whose main job is blowing the shrill whistle around his neck when he sees someone stepping any closer than a foot from the yellow line on the edge. I rarely see them talk, but I was surprised one evening by an off-duty officer's mumble behind me as we encountered an enormous crowd when he declared, in perfect American English "Oh MY God!"

The people queue up at the platforms. There are arrows indicating where to stand in line, usually two lines on each side of each door. And the Skytrail conductors bring the trains to a stop aligning the doors to the floor markings with very uncanny accuracy.

Depending on the time of the day, as people file in, they sometimes self-patrol and stop entering the car when it gets crowded, forcing everyone in line to wait with them for the next car. However, in the dead heat of the rush hours, that chivalry sometimes disappears. And the foreigners never honor it.

The Skytrain operates only two lines, stations marked with a N,E,S,W and number based on which direction and how many station aways you are from the system's central point. The "central point" is where the two lines interconnect, and is located by one of the biggest shopping centres in the newer part of town, Siam.


On the one interchange station between the two lines, the two platforms have only escalators between them. Thais don't walk on escalators. They just stand, even if the platform they are approach already has a train about to leave. They won't budge until their step reaches the platform, then they will break into a bolt to try to catch the train. Being stuck on the escalator is fast becoming my biggest pet peeve about the Thais.

MOVE, GADDAMMIT.

For some of you who want to know about cost of living stuff:
My daily fare, if I take as close as door-to-door is possible: 20ThBaht/trip for work, which is an equivalent of 60cents.