Cooler weather indeed

An email I sent to my family this morning:

It's very cold the past couple days... I think it is actually below 80, adding on a gusty wind(chill) of 10degrees off. So don't forget to pack your mittens and parkas when you come to Thailand in Dec.

---

My father replied with a flash of rare wit:

It's very cold the past couple days... I think it is actually below 40, adding on a gusty wind(chill) of 10degrees off. So don't forget to pack your mittens and parkas when you come home for Thanksgiving.

---

It is almost as if Koy Lathrong marked the end of humidity. The next day, the temperature dropped at least 15° Fahrenheit, compounded with strong gusty winds, cloudy skies, and a half the usual humidity due point. It didn't mark the end of the rainy season as it rained last night, although not thundering style as is the norm. I reveled in shivering and opting to walk the entire way home.

Ohh, I hope it will a be a long dry cold season!

Pardon, I need to...

Learning foreign languages amuse me.. because, inevitably, I'm bound to run into a misunderstanding that it's too funny to not make.

This post: "Excuse me."

In Thai: kor tot ka/kap.

Except, if you don't pronounce "tot" right, it might come out as "todt" which means fart. I can't even hear the difference.

And I'm dying to see someone yell that while squeezing through a crowd.

Just don't use the word "alarm"

A colleague called in late this morning, confessing to having forgotten to set his alarm clock last night. Too amused to let him get away with it, I composed a list of

10 Better Excuses for Why You are Late

- The A/C broke down and I had to take three Benadryl pills to pass out in the heat.
- I was rowing down the klong to work when I got swamped by a speeding fishtail boat's wake.
- The BTS was held up by a royal motorcade.
- The taxi took me to the wrong place way out of town.
- Unexpected visitors knocked on the door at 3am.
- The motorcycle taxi tried to overcharge me and I had to hide until tempers settled down.
- The water pipe burst and no one would come until 10am.
- My last fish died and I had to bury it.
- The maid accidentally threw out the fish and I had to dig it out of the trash.
- My soi flooded and no one could get in or out.

Sadly, each of these can and have happened to many of us. As for the fish, it's an inside joke- he bought a whole school of fish in a baggie in the market and most died within a couple of weeks. He's down to his last original one right now.

dos and don'ts of dating and relationship with Thai girl, part II

DOS:

1. Do realise that if she calls you she likes you.
2. Do invite her for dinner and a movie on your first date.
3. Do buy her small inexpensive gifts from time to time, she'll know that you are thinking about her.
4. Do be clean and dress neatly (Thai ppl take shower twice a da) she wants you to smell and look nice.
5. Do ask her about her mom and dad and her family she wants you to care about them too.
6. Do ask to carry her bag for her, she likes a gentleman.
7. Do speak well about the Thais and her country, she's proud of her country.
8. Do invite her to make merit at the temple, she'll certainly love that (If she is strict Buddhism)
9. Do try and not smoke or drink too much, she will think that you are a drug addict or alchoholic.
10. Do realise that Thai girls are very close to their family.....
11. Do realise that to get into a serious relationship with a Thai means getting into a serious relationship with the whole of her family, she wants them to love you too.
12. Do realise that date with you is a serious thing for her.
13. Do realise when you become her boyfriend she will be thinking about getting married one day, and...
14. Do realise that if she sleeps with you, she will certainly be thinking about getting married one day.
15. Do realise that if she takes you to meet her parents, she knows that's the first step to getting married in Thailand.
16. Do realise that she enjoys doing your washing/cleaning etc..., she wants you to know she would make a good wife.
17. Do realise that if she asks and cares about your health, she likes you.
18. Do realise that most Thai girls would prefer a guy that seriously loved her to an unfaithful guy with loads of cash, she wants you to understand that.

All typos came with the article. No, they are not my typos. Yes, I quadruple-checked.

What to dos and don't, Part I

dating and relationship with Thai girl

from the "about: bangkok" 'the ultimately free commuter guide' v 23 Feb 09. I couldn't find an online site for this publication otherwise I would have posted a link instead of fat-fingering this out. This list is aimed at farang men who want to date a "proper Thai girl." Funny preface that author uses for that proper Thai girl is an introduction of "I am a pure Thai girl who is born in Bangkok and was raised like old proper Thai lady (you can imagine of Audrey Hepburn in Sound of Music)." Oh, all typos in the list, are not my typos.

DON'TS:
1. Don't arrive at you meeting place after her on the first date.
2. Don't invite her to a bar on your first date and certainly....
3. Don't ask her to bed after your first date.
4. Don't misunderstand if she takes her friend along on your first couple dates, she's still a little afraid of you.
5. Don't sweet-talk too much with "Oooh, you are the only one I love.."etc, or she'll think you're a playboy.
6. Don't visit her parents' home if you don't want to take the relationship too seriously, she doesn't want to lose face if you leave her.
7. Don't buy her chocolates or sweets she doesn't want to be overweight for you!!.
8. Don't invite her for a romantic walk along the beach or park she doesn't want to be too darkened for you too!!
9. Don't go complaining about all things Thai, or she won't understand why you chose to live here.
10. Don't dress like you stay along Khao Sam Road, she wants to feel proud of you.
(context: Khao Sam is also known as 'backpackers' road' so the dress code would be very very casual)
11. Don't tell her about any naughty past adventures in Pattaya, or she'll worry that you will be getting up to some more naughty tricks again soon.
12. Don't tell dirty jokesand swear out loud, she likes a polite man.
13. Don't shout at the waitress when she gets your order wrong, she doesn't want you to get all serious!!
14. Don't boast that you have this and that, she's heard it all before.

You know you're become used to Southeast Asia when..

... You don't feel obligated to tip.
... You can estimate the temperature in Celsius quite accurately.
... You pay everything in cash and don't even carry a credit card.
... You decide whether to go out or not based on the haze.
... You expect bed turndown service in hotels.
... You take off your shoes at the threshold, even to a store.
... You walk around an elephant on the sidewalk without skipping a beat.
... You eat more street food than home cooking.
... You think your accent is weird, even when speaking English.
... You see traffic signals and markers as decoration.
... You weave your car smoothly between dodging mopeds.
... You say "same same".
... You no longer convert to US dollars.
... You cover your face when walking in the sun.
... You plan your errands during business hours when places are actually open.
... Your water consumption is calculated to minimise public restroom usage.
... You pay your bills at convenience stores.

Pennywise doesn't stand a chance

This is stuff that rivals clown horror flicks that give me nightmares. But at the same time, when you see so many, you reach a point where you can only burst out laughing at the sheer weirdness of it all.

I know the head is considered a very sacred part of the body (as opposed to anything below the waist, getting progressively more "dirty" as you reach the feet... on the same person?). But is adding a head to all the mannequins, disproportionately small, and hideously ugly, necessary?

It's odd. Sometimes the outfit on the mannequin is actually quite a nice ensemble, worth considering to buy, but, do these people realise how much the head detracts from the sales image?

It is also a disturbingly commonplace trend.

Oh, I can't explain. I'll just let you judge for yourself.











Perhaps scariest of them all... what do you say? The one on the right is benign, comparatively speaking, no?

Many, many thanks to Carolyn for not only coming up with the idea of this last shot but also taking it.

Rotten wood

Perhaps it's the age. Perhaps it's the humidity. Perhaps it's the shoddy quality.

A waitress was hovering over our table at dinner tonight, taking orders. She took a step back, gave a stifled gasp. We all looked over to see her leaning back onto the door frame behind her. She called a busboy over, jabbering in Thai, holding out her arms as if she was expecting him to pull her back upright.

He did just that. She hopped forward, left foot bare. Those of us within sight looked down. Her stiletto heel had punched right through the hardwood floor and sunk heel deep into the flooring.